i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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