??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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