dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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