When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
