just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
