Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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