It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize