Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
