that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
