So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
