I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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