i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
