you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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