Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
