There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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