woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
