YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
