When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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