Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
