he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
