There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
