Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I think my fart just growled at me.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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