my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize