How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
