I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I licked your asshole in confidence.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
