if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
