I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
