Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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