dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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