he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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