We named our party play list daddy issues
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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