allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Terrible idea I love it
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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