I can't watch pbs sober anymore
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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