his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
