I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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