She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize