Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize