If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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