my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
