Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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