i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
