I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
