hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i can't believe i had my finger in that
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
