you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
