He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize