and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She told me I should be a condom model.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
