Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
