I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
