but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
