a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
