Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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