I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Mom said you looked used
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Randomize
