Already got asked if we're dating
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
