First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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