How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
