if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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