I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
