It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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