So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
