Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
