I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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