so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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