apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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