Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Randomize
