you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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