I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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