mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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