This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
