Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Ketchup is God's man juice
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize