Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
