Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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