i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
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