Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
