I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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