Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
