So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
