You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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