How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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