he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
They took my balls.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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