yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
