So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
