I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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