you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
