a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
