You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
