what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
