Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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