i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
