you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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