if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
