Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
