is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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