so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
