saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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