to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
