I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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