I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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