Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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