just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
