Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
