Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
